Why I Gave Online Dating its Pink Slip

How long would you say is a good amount of time to give something a go before you let it go?

1? 5? 10 years?

How about 15?

Well that is how long I have been online dating. 15 years. On and off of course, but it has been almost half of my life.

Picture it … It is the year 1999, the internet is beginning to pick up its pace as a powerhouse in the world. Folks still do not know its full capabilities, but all of a sudden we are chatting with folks (in chat ROOMS even) half way across the world.

Only people fully admitting they are online dating are the gays because that is the easiest way for them to know if others are of their persuasion.

I know this because not only is my brother gay but a number of my good friends.

So me being the early adopter that I am, jumped on the bandwagon to see what all this fuss was about.

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Mind you, this was back when folks lied about how they met if it was online. Heaven forbid people find out you met on the internet. They would look at you as if you had something growing out of your forehead …

“Couldn’t you meet someone in person like the rest of the world?”

“What is wrong with you that you have to look for someone on the internet?”

Yup, THAT is when I started online dating.

I like most have had my fair share of interesting stories, horror (ish) stories, funny stories and love stories. It IS dating after all – online or not.

My last relationship started because we met on OKCupid and I am so grateful to have met him as he was definitely one of the deep loves of my life.

But after 15 years of mainly looking to a website as my means of meeting folks in the hopes of a romantic connection, I am done.

You heard me. DONE!

As of October 2013, after 15 years of blood, sweat and tears (blood part totally metaphorical) I have officially retired from Online Dating.

And you know what? It feels fucking good!

Not going to lie … every so often I get the urge to check out the latest thing (Tinder anyone??). It’s as if I am going through withdrawals!

As strong as the urge might be, especially when almost all of my girlfriends are comparing notes, I stop myself from jumping back on that damn bandwagon.

When I sit with it for a moment, I know that urge is coming more from a fear place of missing out than a genuine desire to peruse and pursue.

It’s not that I don’t think online dating works. Hell, more and more people meet their future partners on the Internet every day because the face of dating has changed so dramatically due to us fully being in the Technological Age.

As a friend said to me recently, “It seems to others like you are not taking your love life seriously these days UNLESS you are online dating.”

Yet that’s not what it is about for me. It’s about how I want to FEEL and how I want to GO ABOUT dating.

I want to live my life less in front of a computer screen and more in nature. I want to be out in the world, doing cool shit and experiencing cool people.

Call me traditional but I want to meet and connect with people the ‘old fashioned way’.

I found that the times I was really into online dating I was literally blind to the people around me on the day to day! It was that all consuming. Like freaking crack … and that’s how so many people act when they are online dating, like crackheads!

That is definitely NOT how I want to live my life.

I am not alone either. There are folks out there who want to bring back the in-person connection piece to starting relationships. Chris Feliciano of Scenergy-Dating is one of those folks on that mission: Take dating back offline!

So good riddance online dating. It was (sorta) nice knowing you, but don’t let the door hit you on your way out!

Photo Credit: Flickr/Ashley Bishop

CS Photoshoot II

 

P.S. I want to work with you. Yes, you! Whether it is a tarot reading, or a coaching session, I can help you feel clear, confident and ready to take on the world … so let’s get this show on the road! Can’t wait to hear from you soon!!

 

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7 Responses to Why I Gave Online Dating its Pink Slip

  1. Kevin January 13, 2014 at 11:13 pm #

    Whatever works for you is obviously the best choice.

    But I don’t see the point of completely abandoning online dating. How much time does it really take? You can cut it down to very little. And, think of it as just one more avenue to increase your odds of finding an amazing person, or amazing people. It just opens up another world of potential lovers and even friends that you wouldn’t have access to otherwise.

    It is different than traditional ways of meeting people, but not better or worse. Maybe as a guy I’m underestimating just how many emails an attractive woman must wade through and how time consuming that is. I can put in 10 minutes a day easily in online dating and contact 0-2 people, as “getting emails” is not a big issue for the male species. :)

    Tinder is funny BTW.

    • Natalie January 13, 2014 at 11:36 pm #

      Tinder IS funny. And I hear you Kevin … like I said, I am not saying it doesn’t work and that it isn’t cool for others, but for me, having done it for so long, I feel it doesn’t really fulfill me. I think for me, and a lot of others I talk to, it becomes a distractor from real life, akin to the likes of Facebook … it sucks you in. I am way more into the personal connections … i.e. going to World Domination Summit and connecting with folks in person and then we upkeep those relationships virtually. ;)

      But what you said I back 110%: “Whatever works for you is obviously the best choice.”

      XO,
      Natalie

      P.S. Where in the world are you these days?

      • Jolly January 22, 2014 at 5:50 pm #

        Some of my best connections have certainly been made in person….there are reasons I’m a conference addict! I do keep meaning to create an OKC again, but keep not getting around to it.

        WDS ftw ;)

        -Jolly

        • Natalie January 23, 2014 at 2:56 am #

          I SO hear you Jolly … I love conferences for that reason too! Definitely scheming a party idea for WDS with some folks so we can partay and also meet other singles! ;)

          XO,
          Natalie

  2. Lorelei January 24, 2014 at 5:00 pm #

    Wow! How neat to have such experience in online dating. I suspect it had changed a lot in appearance from then to now. I spent about 2 years on OkCupid. It did the opposite for me – it helped me branch out and meet new people in person. For some reason I just started seeing people as less threatening to approach in real life because I knew that, really, so many of us were out there online struggling to meet people. I used OkCupid within an open relationship which was also interesting because I got to see sort of a mix between swingers and people who considered themselves to be poly. I think there is a great place for online dating and I’m glad to see it being considered a viable option.

    • Natalie January 25, 2014 at 7:35 am #

      Lorelei – I actually love to hear that. I may have gotten to the end of my time with online dating, however I do not think it is a complete flop. I know tons of folks that met online and I think it is wonderful that they got out of their comfort zone to forge relationships.

      I too met my last relationship through OKCupid and got to experience an open relationship (since everyone is so open, honest and generous with that information) … it was cool for sure.

      Glad to hear about the positive experiences!

      Good luck!!

      XO,
      Natalie

  3. Yvette February 26, 2014 at 12:08 am #

    Heard that! I love your point about how important it is that it *feel right* when you go about dating. I’m there with you. It’s our only indicator if the path’s for us or not. I guess it’s like they say, ‘when you meet *the one* you’ll know’…and so it is with the *way* you meet him, I suppose.

    XO

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