Have any of the following thoughts run through your mind?
Guys are such dogs!
Guys are such dicks!
All guys think about is sex!
Guys are so superficial. All they care about is looks!
If I didn’t need sperm to make babies, I would have nothing to do with guys!
The world would be a much better place without guys!
Guys are only good for buying things and fixing shit – oh and I guess sex … sometimes.
I fully admit I have not only said some of these myself, for years I might add, but I found them amusing. I am sure we all find them amusing to some degree and think they are pretty damn accurate in describing the entire male population!
Recently a friend of mine made a huge realization around her version of these statements. She said she saw how her ‘man-hating beliefs’ had her putting herself in the friend zone with guys on more than one occasion. These were her beliefs:
- You are either someone a guys wants to have sex with or you are not and it stops there.
- Any guy I find attractive will NOT find ME attractive.
- Men just like skinny minnie manic pixie dream girls.
- Men just want to talk to me to get to my more manic pixie dream girl-like friends.
Any of those sound familiar to you?
I have definitely had those thoughts. On loop. Most of my life. It was ‘low grade’ man hating, but it still was a disdain and distrust of anything that had a penis.
The way it showed up in my life, in addition to constantly friend zoning myself, was as follows:
Slightly overweight most of my life
Avoided sex or felt uncomfortable about it
Dressing in an unflattering way
The list can go on….
All of these things I did to keep guys away because I did not trust them. Here I thought I loved all human beings on the planet like the good hippie/free spirit I was. But I did not. The lack of love for guys came from a general lack of trust, towards all guys.
A huge problem with the ‘all guys’ classification is that anytime you make sweeping generalizations you stop seeing the individual for who they are and only relate to the stereotype.
Not all men are ‘sex crazed shallow douchebags’, just like not all women are ‘catty gold digging self centered bitches’.
Are there people out there like that? Sure. But do they represent their entire gender? I am pretty sure they do not.
Think about it. If a majority of women truly feel this way, guys do not stand a chance. They are fucked! We get all huffy about men being women haters and misogynists, yet we are doing the same exact thing to them. SAME EXACT THING!
What is worse about when women do it? We feel completely justified in our accusations. We feel guys ‘deserve it’. That we would not be saying ‘these things’ if they were not ‘true.’ Guys are such assholes, right?!
OR another way the man hating continues to exist in the world is because we do not even realize we are doing it! How this happens is if you feel you have the right to your beliefs, you honestly do not see anything wrong with your way of seeing things.
The judgments and insidious nature of your viewpoints stay hidden … hence the beginning of the undercover man hater tendencies.
If we do not look at our beliefs, figure out where they are coming from and do something to shift them to a more positive perspective, then we perpetuate the hating cycle.
By the way, I know in your heart you are not a person who hates. You do not consciously want to be this way. These beliefs came from conditioning or past experiences that hurt you.
You love ALL people and know just as many sweet, awesome, loving guys than jack asses. You believe in equality, love, honesty and healthy, fulfilling relationships. So let’s fix this shall we?
Here are some things you can do to start breaking the patterns:
1. Take a microscope to your beliefs. Write out on a piece of paper (to be tossed after) all of your beliefs, assumptions and expectations surrounding guys. Then look even closer. Where might these thoughts have originated from? Childhood? Past relationships? Zoom in as much as possible because the more awareness you have, the looser their hold on you.
2. Analyze the impact of these beliefs. How have they held you back in your life? How have they influenced your relationships? Be as honest and impartial in your analysis as possible. Think of it as an autopsy! Knowing cause of death allows you to finally bury the body.
3. Adopt new perspectives. The objective here is to reprogram the old beliefs with new viewpoints. Here are some off the top of my head to help get you started:
They bring so much to the table.
They are fascinating in how different they are.
There really is no difference between guys and girls.
At their essence, guys are protectors and lovers.
Even if you do not fully believe in these just yet, it is important to repeat them to yourself often so that they can sink in and become new beliefs moving forward.
Alright ladies, let us know how it goes in the comments below. Good luck and here is to throwing out the haterade and getting drunk on love punch!
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As a thank you, you will get a surprise from me as well … an in-depth worksheet where you list out your ideal partner and relationship. When you are clear, they appear…It works like magic I tell ya. XO